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The Drug In You.

Is it true what they say that we all have a hidden drug inside us all?
No I don't mean it in the literal sense I mean the inner euphoria, the things that make us truly happy. The peak of happiness that leaves us in a state of Awe. I was recently asked if I was Happy with my life, I honestly wasn't sure how to reply. How could I? My life is in a state of chronic movement that the only time I'm happy is when I can sit in silence. My morning coffee is never the same as I'm frantically scrambing to get things going for the day. I'm not going to say that I'm not happy with my life because I'm getting there and I'm not saying that in any sort of bad way but im at that awkward age and stage in my life where I've started backwards and am now having to fight harder to figure things out.

After Highschool I had my first son, age of 18, the raw peak age of adulthood and I didnt get to do the things my peers were. I put college on hold. Now Three years have passed. My oldest is 3 almost 4, starting preschool in the fall, I am 22, going on 23. I've recently obtained my Associates in the arts degree and gave birth to two bouncing twin boys. I've started school back up in the hopes to further my education.. Whoa,, wait where's the part when I live alittle?

You see I don't, its a 24/7 stick being a stay at home mom. ( my choice yes, let's face it daycare workers are shit) I do not have a babysitter as no one wants to watch three childern let alone two infants at once ( its not easy at all) The only time I have to myself is when my fiance is able to help or the twins are sleeping which some nights is only 3 hours at a time.

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So when I was asked if im happy with my life, currently no, I love my life and the maturity that being a mother and student has provided me but like I said I am at an awkward stage inbetween happiness. Let me clarify that I am not depressed in any way. I get to watch double the personality grow in front of me at once that makes me happy, being young and feeling way older scares me. It's not always a good thing, but ill accept it and make due. My grandma calls me her "matter of fact Maddy" and that's the way the cookie crumbles.


*We all go through tough times in our lives and we look back and question why our lives have turned out this way" It does not matter how your life is now, it only matters about where you chose to go, are you going to chase your happiness or stay frozen in a time where the uncertainity will catch up to you*

Do you know your drug? The thing that makes you most happy, if you do grab it, hold onto it tight and don't let it go because life is a beautiful tragedy that will take you on the bumpiest ride of your life

Thanks,
Maddy

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