This is the first time that I am adding a trigger warning to one of my posts, but to some that are going through this same situation that is going to be read, it may cause some emotional responses. My intention is not to upset but discuss something that is not brought up much.
When I titled this post "Functional Families" I wanted to add emphasis to the word functional because I will not be discussing the families that have all the pieces together but the ones that can not come together.
It is known, that perfect families do not exist but there is a level of perfection that exists within a family unit that keeps it running smoothly, Everyone participates and has their roles to play. What happens when the function of a family is broken? When Mom or Dad is absent? What is the silent depression among kids that isn't talked about. Sure the stigma claims when there is an absence of one or more parent a child/children are from a "Broken home" Why? because the stability is not there. Let me explain what happens when stability is gone or goes from 100 - 0 .
You won't notice the effects at first (From personal experience) they are subtly there. Over time, you'll notice yourself changing, you see other kids, (Your friends) playing with both mom and dad. For me, it was my friends moms that were there, and mine sat drunk by 10 am. Her absence is what changed me. Slowly, made me realize the cruel reality of the world at a young age. I really started to notice a change in myself when immaturity was all around me and I stopped laughing at what should have been funny at my age. I stopped wanting to do the crazy teenage things and turned my focus more on the attention that I was lacking, I started to date at young age. 12. First loves? yeah, they're cute and all but for me it was the attention aspect. The need that dragged me in and made me want more. Over time, you've probably noticed it to, you started changing the way you think. While others went one way on the highway to society, you curved and wanted to rebel. You also secretly cried yourself to sleep because you started to hate the very person that helped give you life. That is the saddest, most passionate anger I've ever felt in my life. The slow resentment that is built because one or both parents couldn't pull their shit together or put aside differences to be there for you. Damn.
*Continued*
As I was typing this last night, I had to stop because my emotions were seeping from places that I had not responded to in a long time. This post is my most challenging yet because A LOT of people do not know the cruel childhood that my sister and I underwent. The effects, the aftermath, the unseen scars that limited to no functionality in a family has is mind blowing. It is and should be the definition of emotional trauma in adolescents.
We sit and wonder why people carry out actions that are not "normal" or are deemed as crazy territory. We are quick to label but second to find an underlying reason. We place blame where we see fit and to what we see fit. We do not consider, Nurture VS Nature more than we should. I believe that there are more underlying issues through absent nurture than there are kids who come from functional homes. Im not saying that all kids from broken homes are serial Killers or deranged freaks. ( WE ARE NOT). But, with that being said a mark is left and that mark DOES effect that child's future and how he or she perceives themselves.
I stayed shy, I was the backward quiet child, who cried with raised voices and craved human touch but not the intimate kind. Surely, I had problems, even as an adult I shy away from conflict, I hold things to myself. I do not confront my feelings they are left until I burst at the seams. Now that I have ventured away from the people that have hurt me I am more open, I'm outgoing, I'm not a soft spoken voice anymore. I will stand up for myself if need be. If you are walked on long enough, you start to develop a toughness that allows you to be a bigger and better person.
I remember time after time of being let down and thrown aside because I was viewed as weak, or the kind hearted girl that could be used. I sat for awhile and wondered "Is this how the world sees me?" "Am I frail to others?" I must have been because even through a nonfunctional family, outside heartbreak still made its way in. See as a pre- teen through teenage and even young adulthood. I struggled, I struggled to see how I could be loved. If my own mother did not want me why would anyone else. Alot of my friends viewed me as strong. They didn't know that I was broken inside, that I had lost my ability to trust anyone.
I remember the day I lost all faith and trust in my Mother. She led us to believe that she had a friend that offered to help us get a place and back on our feet, after my mom left my dad. We didn't have anywhere to go. We stayed hauled up in a motel 6 for a week, at the end of that week. She said her friend ditched us and we had to go to a homeless shelter. ( Really not something I'm proud of) I was young 11, almost 12. After the constant drinking and the not coming home until the sun came up. I realized at that moment. That her selfish acts were out of spite, not because she cared for our well being. I'm going to stop this ugly flashback because, my own past does not matter much now. Once you've gotten over something, while there is still a scar, you learn to live with the change, you either embrace it or you lean on it for pity.
When there is emotional trauma in adolescents a child can go one of two ways. They can grow up with the drive and determination to be better than the parents that raised them or they can sway and take the rebellion route, sometimes not realizing the damage until its too late.
*I want to say to all the parents or future parents, your actions will affect your children more than you know. Be there, put aside your demons, your spousal differences and step up. All that matters is that child knows they are loved. Being loved by parents aids in the growing process, even more than parents realize. Take the time to evaluate the situation you are in with your kids, if there is anything that you do not like about what you are doing with them. Change., Do better. Children are the future after all*
Also Featured on:
https://blogmeetsstories.wixsite.com/website/single-post/2018/07/21/Functional-Families-Sensitive
When I titled this post "Functional Families" I wanted to add emphasis to the word functional because I will not be discussing the families that have all the pieces together but the ones that can not come together.
It is known, that perfect families do not exist but there is a level of perfection that exists within a family unit that keeps it running smoothly, Everyone participates and has their roles to play. What happens when the function of a family is broken? When Mom or Dad is absent? What is the silent depression among kids that isn't talked about. Sure the stigma claims when there is an absence of one or more parent a child/children are from a "Broken home" Why? because the stability is not there. Let me explain what happens when stability is gone or goes from 100 - 0 .
You won't notice the effects at first (From personal experience) they are subtly there. Over time, you'll notice yourself changing, you see other kids, (Your friends) playing with both mom and dad. For me, it was my friends moms that were there, and mine sat drunk by 10 am. Her absence is what changed me. Slowly, made me realize the cruel reality of the world at a young age. I really started to notice a change in myself when immaturity was all around me and I stopped laughing at what should have been funny at my age. I stopped wanting to do the crazy teenage things and turned my focus more on the attention that I was lacking, I started to date at young age. 12. First loves? yeah, they're cute and all but for me it was the attention aspect. The need that dragged me in and made me want more. Over time, you've probably noticed it to, you started changing the way you think. While others went one way on the highway to society, you curved and wanted to rebel. You also secretly cried yourself to sleep because you started to hate the very person that helped give you life. That is the saddest, most passionate anger I've ever felt in my life. The slow resentment that is built because one or both parents couldn't pull their shit together or put aside differences to be there for you. Damn.
*Continued*
As I was typing this last night, I had to stop because my emotions were seeping from places that I had not responded to in a long time. This post is my most challenging yet because A LOT of people do not know the cruel childhood that my sister and I underwent. The effects, the aftermath, the unseen scars that limited to no functionality in a family has is mind blowing. It is and should be the definition of emotional trauma in adolescents.
We sit and wonder why people carry out actions that are not "normal" or are deemed as crazy territory. We are quick to label but second to find an underlying reason. We place blame where we see fit and to what we see fit. We do not consider, Nurture VS Nature more than we should. I believe that there are more underlying issues through absent nurture than there are kids who come from functional homes. Im not saying that all kids from broken homes are serial Killers or deranged freaks. ( WE ARE NOT). But, with that being said a mark is left and that mark DOES effect that child's future and how he or she perceives themselves.
I stayed shy, I was the backward quiet child, who cried with raised voices and craved human touch but not the intimate kind. Surely, I had problems, even as an adult I shy away from conflict, I hold things to myself. I do not confront my feelings they are left until I burst at the seams. Now that I have ventured away from the people that have hurt me I am more open, I'm outgoing, I'm not a soft spoken voice anymore. I will stand up for myself if need be. If you are walked on long enough, you start to develop a toughness that allows you to be a bigger and better person.
I remember time after time of being let down and thrown aside because I was viewed as weak, or the kind hearted girl that could be used. I sat for awhile and wondered "Is this how the world sees me?" "Am I frail to others?" I must have been because even through a nonfunctional family, outside heartbreak still made its way in. See as a pre- teen through teenage and even young adulthood. I struggled, I struggled to see how I could be loved. If my own mother did not want me why would anyone else. Alot of my friends viewed me as strong. They didn't know that I was broken inside, that I had lost my ability to trust anyone.
I remember the day I lost all faith and trust in my Mother. She led us to believe that she had a friend that offered to help us get a place and back on our feet, after my mom left my dad. We didn't have anywhere to go. We stayed hauled up in a motel 6 for a week, at the end of that week. She said her friend ditched us and we had to go to a homeless shelter. ( Really not something I'm proud of) I was young 11, almost 12. After the constant drinking and the not coming home until the sun came up. I realized at that moment. That her selfish acts were out of spite, not because she cared for our well being. I'm going to stop this ugly flashback because, my own past does not matter much now. Once you've gotten over something, while there is still a scar, you learn to live with the change, you either embrace it or you lean on it for pity.
When there is emotional trauma in adolescents a child can go one of two ways. They can grow up with the drive and determination to be better than the parents that raised them or they can sway and take the rebellion route, sometimes not realizing the damage until its too late.
*I want to say to all the parents or future parents, your actions will affect your children more than you know. Be there, put aside your demons, your spousal differences and step up. All that matters is that child knows they are loved. Being loved by parents aids in the growing process, even more than parents realize. Take the time to evaluate the situation you are in with your kids, if there is anything that you do not like about what you are doing with them. Change., Do better. Children are the future after all*
Also Featured on:
https://blogmeetsstories.wixsite.com/website/single-post/2018/07/21/Functional-Families-Sensitive
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